I would definitely say that there are times when my personality seems to grate on a couple of people. Sometimes, it’s just because they misunderstand where I’m coming from, or they think I have different motivations, and of course sometimes I just don’t jive with someone. That’s not especially surprising, since I’m extroverted (or loud), expressive (or talkative), creative (or ambitious), intuitive (or random), and empathic (or a fuzzy circle, as Ben says).
I’ve met a few people who’ve maintained a friendship while throwing out lines like, “I’m sure we’d be great friends if you didn’t talk so much.” Of course that was Rik, and he’s an ass. :) I’ve had a few people actually give me a hard time for being nice to them or some other person.
I enjoy who I am.
The hardest to deal with, though, is possibility that someone you hold conversation with is really irritated by you, and won’t say so. It’s one thing to tolerate a casual friend that has the tendency to be a jerk, and another to hold disdain for someone you purport to be close to, without ever mentioning you have a problem.
I don’t mention the circumstances too much, because it’s no longer an important aspect of my life, but the largest problem my last relationship had was that the girl was troubled, both internally and with our relationship, and wouldn’t say. a. word. about. it. Even when asked directly.
And that’s a miserable way to exist. What a relief it is to find a civil way to tell someone how you truly feel about them, even if it doesn’t change them. Maybe they keep it in mind. Maybe you split off friendship. But at least you’re on the same page.
So! I’ll be Rob Breszny today, and suggest that today is your day to put yourself on the same page as other people. Tell people you love them, tell people you wish they’d stop picking their nose in front of you, tell people that every time they mention the joy of basketweaving you fall asleep, even though you enjoyed it the first time. Go on :)
…was troubled, both internally and with our relationship, and wouldn’t say. a. word. about. it. Even when asked directly.
Arg. I’ve been in relationships like that. Pretty much EVERY relationship I’ve been in has been like that. It sucks. I’m all about speaking ones mind and getting issues out in the open. That’s the only way they’ll ever get solved, and I’m not a mind reader.
I just wish more people would do this. Honesty == good, but it seems like a lot of people would rather pretend problems didn’t exist than say something if it might possibly hurt someone.
I was all set to post something about me actually picking my nose while reading the original post….but damn. Now that really cheers me up.
get it? cheer…?
Well, damn. I hate messing up a good nose picking reply! Please accept my apologies…and this pompom!
Us repressed types prefer to hold it all in and work toward an untimely coronary.
I’ve been working on this a lot more lately. I always used to be afraid of fully admitting how I felt about something out of fear that I was going to offend someone, never thinking about how offensive it was *actually* to them to not let them know that they were being…offensive, or annoying, or obnixous, etc. etc.
However, I have no complaints about you–maybe its geography, but I doubt it. NOt trying to “gas you up” or anything, I just found you to be great and awesome and *so* much fun that one single time we got to hang out.
Exactly. gah.
it’s not like honesty is hard or cruel. Granted, I’m not the queen of tact, but I work on it.
And I think so often people take things out of context, never check in with you about it, then get pissed off about something you NEVER meant.
*sigh*
I lost a reasonably close friend in just that way.
I genuinely like you. Very much. You’re a thrill to hang out and be with. Can’t think of
any issues I’ve had with you so far, really.
But I promise you this.
You ever fuckin’ piss me off, and I’ll yell it straight into your goddamn smirk.
Feel free to do likewise. I don’t have the energy to keep up masks, and I don’t spend time
digging under those others have. So if I piss you off, I probably won’t know unless you tell me.
Fair enough :)