Sometimes, perspicacious equals polysyllabic
I’ve been given a new recipe for hamburgers, which I think is relatively decent. :) A little more experimentation on my part, and I’ll be pretty happy with it.
I might go see the Detroit Derby Girls at the 2500 club on October 8th. Sounds like fun :) Plus I’m curious about Broadzilla. I already have plans to see Nine Inch Nails and Henry Rollins in the next couple of months. Katrina’s wedding is this Sunday: I’m nervous, as I always am when I do photography for a friend. There’s so much more at stake than when I do art photography for my own satisfaction. I often don’t feel worthy, when someone asks me to photograph their wedding. And yes, this is going to leave me with a fricking mountain of film to be processed, scanned, corrected, and printed. Of course, once I’ve corrected everything and provide the digital results, they can print them in any capacity they’d like.
I bought groceries today, and I did a pretty awesome job at keeping to healthy food and such. Also, I finished my first loaf of bread without throwing any away this week! (woo!)
I’m working on the idea for a tattoo, my first. takarosa is helping me conceptualize it, and peculiaire has offered to try to sketch it, before we trouble a tattoo artist. I need something multi-faceted, complicated but coherent. I haven’t decided if it will be fully symbolic, pictorial, or simply words. What sort of symbols, words, or concepts make you think of me?
I’m perspicacious, for one. At least, that is what I’m told, and I think it would be rather perspicacious of me to agree. ;) I’m relieved that, according to all accounts, I don’t have problems with B.O., nor am I smarmy. It makes me proud of myself to know that most people would say that I write well, and speak well, that I am comfortable with many types of people. I’m social without being obsessed with the bar, I’m contemplative without being completely introverted or self-absorbed. I care about what the people I love think about me, without falling prey to subjugating myself.
I’m comfortable with my body, without being afraid to work to improve it. I can see where it is currently limiting me, and I am succeeding in improving it, without hating what it is right now, or obsessing about attaining a future state. I don’t berate myself for making exceptions, and I don’t miss out on enjoying life because of some “diet”, but I am trying to actually put some thought into every meal, in order to be good to myself while enjoying myself. (That pasta party better happen, young lady! ;) )
I’m pleased to say and believe that I am straightforward, expressing my desires, fears, love, hatred, and issues as they occur to me, within the bounds of dignity. When people say, “How are you?”, I actually tell them. I’m not a cynical bastard, but I am also not falsely or irresponsibly optimistic – it isn’t that everything will work out for the best, but there is always that potential. When asked, I’ve told people I don’t like their attitude, I don’t like the dramatics they bring to everyone’s lives, I don’t like the way they treat people. I also tell people how much I adore them, how much better they make everyone’s lives, simply be existing and letting us share in it. I’m grateful that there are people who freely tell me that they both like me and think I’m cute/attractive/amusing/interesting/intelligent/cuddly/adorable, and I am happy that I’m apparently smokin’ (hee) enough for random bachelorettes to, er, call me out :).
I’m glad that I take care of my own problems, take responsibility for my own actions as much as possible, and make the effort to divest myself of illusions and preconceived notions. I’m glad that I know that I make a serious effort to be honest, but I am just as pleased that I know I am not always honest with myself, and I have occasionally been dishonest with others. It’s a process instead of a goal, and I don’t hate myself for occasionally being an asshole; I correct if possible, and move on. Some things I’ve done in my life, I will never be able to correct. I am determined to compensate for them, in small ways and in large, for the rest of my life. I try to remember at every moment the most important thing my grandmother taught me: “You can bullshit your friends and even your family, but never lie to yourself.” This means you should not lie to yourself about the bad or the good things you do, in life.
Hating yourself is one way of bullshitting yourself.
I am self-made, and of all my creative projects, this is the most challenging, most visible, and most likely to actually affect the world. That said, I would have collapsed under cynicism and the weight of the world long ago if I didn’t have wonderful, loving, creative, inspirational, attentive, affectionate friends. They regularly pull me out of a muck made of self-doubt and the mud slung by the kind of people who are determined to bring down anyone reaching further than they are. How could I not be as good to them as I can be, when they do so much for me? A pat on the back, a kiss on the cheek, a shake of the hand, a late-night rescue, a surprise… appreciation. Respect.
And I am fun! I’m silly, and irreverent, and I generally know when to defuse a serious moment, and when being serious is important. My humor is generally more self-deprecating than painful to others, and I know when to let a joke lie. It’s a vital part of being me; legilimental, rather than occlumental. ;)
It’s been a wild life, so far, and I’ve got big plans for it. I forget or get distracted until someone or some thing inspires me, once again. I care about me, most of the time, but it isn’t the hideous self-love that keeps me from seeing someone else’s need, assessing it, and helping wherever I can. Love is not a zero-sum game. I try to be good to people who I don’t feel deserve it, even people who intentionally hurt me many years ago, and that’s for me, not for them. I think that’s probably one of the hardest tenets I try to live by, because I frequently give up a sense of justice in order to pursue my own mental health and my life’s future happiness.
With the kind of exhilarating fear one has the moment they tip out the door of an airplane, I think, “it’s possible that nothing could keep me down for long.”
Wonderful! With that attitude there isn’t anything that can stop you… at least for long.
One bit of advice for the tattoo… if you’re planning on getting a kanji/hanzi character please run it by the owner of Hanzis Matter blog. Think of it as a combination of public service/reverse engrish.com site… he’ll usually help people be certain that what they’re going to have permanently placed on their body is, in fact, what they think it is.
good idea, but no kanji for me :) If it isn’t unique, I don’t want it ;)
Heh. Shoulda figured. ;P
Next? Emperor of All That Rocks Muchly!
Well done, indeed.
It’s going to be a fine day indeed, when you meet your match. Glad I get to be here for that.
i’m going to NIN. we should get dinner or something that night. is that tanda kat getting married?
yep! and that'[s a cool idea :)
As always, I am very proud and impressed by you. YOu always tyr, and that is amazing. It alwayus will be, always has been. You are a funny, attractive, good friend and awesome guy. And you forgot to write about your intelligence, of which you should be likewise proud.
How is your tatoo shaping up? What are you considering?
Don’t worry about Katrina’s wedding photos. Have just enough tension that will help you do a good job. She chose you to do her photos, because she likes your work. You are plenty worthy of the trust she puts into you to do a great job. You always do, and that’s coming from a wedding expert.
I don’t know yet. The concepts, so far, are more important than the specifics.
If I wanted a very large tattoo, I might get a robot on a pirate ship on a dewdrop on a wide leaf.
I do not want a very large tattoo.
if you get it done by a very skilled artist, it wouldn’t necessarily have to be very large. still, the image has a high potential for being unwieldy, which is no good, since if a tattoo doesn’t fit well against the shape of the body it’s on, it winds up looking like some kind of ill-fitting mistake.
anyway.
as far as ideas that you should have applied to your flesh long term, the things that spring to mind are the things that are important to you. so okay, duh. moving onwards: the one thing above all others that you strive for is honesty. symbols of that would maybe be the way to go. a word would almost be a good idea, since saying a thing outright is theoretically about as clear as it gets. at the same time, it lacks the nuances that imagery can contain.
a related idea is that of inspiration. as in, you’ll know it when you see it that it’s right, no doubts in your mind.
so if i were me, pretending to be you: i’d meditate on sheer, pure truth and honesty, and the related symbols, until something began to take shape.
once the roll is started, it’s easy to finish it out given a little enthusiasm and not really anything else specific.
on a vageuly related note, sun symbols might be a good thought for scott-flesh. light, as in enlightenment; the relevance to earth, which you have a lot invested in with the living there and all your friends and endeavors being based there; strength enough to make a huge positive difference where it shines; and so on. naybe even something as simple and subtle as the astro(logical? nominal?) sun symbol of a circle with a dot in the middle. a little notation with a lot of history and meaning behind it. has the science and the spirit behind it, meaningwise. has the flavor of code, with its simplicity. as an added bonus for that in particular is that it’s also a symbol for gold in the transmutation context, which is also relevant to you, in that you’ve got that constant quest thing for becoming a higher mettle, as it were.
Thank you for your detailed thoughts, Ann! Good words to think on.
n/p. :)
The NIN concert is oct 8th, so you might have trouble seeing DDB the same night :)
Poop. That’ll teach me to have everyone else buy the tickets.
I always said that if I wanted a tattoo for more than ten years, I’d get one.
But then I realized that, after eleven years, I had changed my mind about which tattoo to get three times, and I thought…I’m just not able to pick a design that will be of interest to me for the rest of my life.
You’re Mr. Thoughtful, that much is obvious, and I’d even hazard a guess that you’re Mr. Drives Himself a Bit Crazy Sometimes.
*chuckle* I’ll have to see if there is an appropriate tattoo to represent that ;)
I had a tattoo I wanted when I was 13, and it lasted many years, but as an abstract symbol that represents me only because I created it and not because it has additional definition… well, that’s not enough for my picky self. *smiles*
I try to drive others crazy, instead ;)