Oh Boy.
I’m declaring this a no-bullshit day, right now, so if you have a problem, let’s duke it out and come to an understanding, but don’t expect me to hold back. I ask hard questions, and I give hard answers. They may hurt a bit to hear, but when something needs to be said, I’ll grab that bull and bleed a little.
My wonderful, absolutely great weekend will have to wait for another post. Instead, I’ll lay this out there.
Sarah Kate has let me know that she’s made a big ol’ post regarding the particulars of our break-up and her next-day dating of Stephan in the hopes that A) her friends will start liking Stephan and B) people will stop implying that she cheated on me. I never particularly wanted to make this post, because an intimate relationship deserves intimacy, even in hindsight, but I feel that intimacy was just laid bare to the public. If we’re going to dissect, let’s have the full study guide, and we can all writhe around in the decay together, like pigs. And then everyone’s curiosity will be sated, and people can go home. Nothing more to see here, folks.
While I can’t see how A) will ever happen, B) is just annoying. I’ve never said to anyone that she’s done anything improper, she merely disappointed me as a friend. I only have her word to go on, but when is it ever any different in situations such as this? No one else was there except the two of them, so unless you’ve heard one thing or another from the horse’s mouth, as it were, shut up. I hate the telephone game. Come to whatever conclusions you want, but if I ever hear someone say that it came from me, I’ll consider it a direct attack on my honesty and probably punch you straight in the face. I hate threats, and that isn’t one, it’s an honest assessment of my buttons. Don’t push.
There was deception during our relationship, invasion of privacy, mate disrespect, and jealousy that stemmed from times when neither of us took each other fully into account as loving adults should. I felt, once I learned of the situation at the bar, and her being instantly attracted to him to the point of questioning our relationship… Well, we started to take some time off, to think in our corners.
After an illuminating post, I cut short our “week of consideration” when it was obvious where the wind was blowing. The day after we broke up, we were together again… and I found out she’d accepted a date from him already. THAT was my problem and THAT is the reason that our friendship, which she wanting to keep, has suffered. This doesn’t imply anything about whether I loved or love her, and it doesn’t imply that she did something physically immoral. She didn’t take my feelings into account, she didn’t give me an opportunity to understand and get over being, more or less, rejected. THIS IS NOT A MORTAL SIN. It is on her to recover that friendship, if she really wishes it, and has nothing to do with anyone else.
So. I have no problem with you bringing her up in conversation, I have no problem with talking, and I have very little issue with seeing her in public. But for fuck’s sake, RELAX. I may have been hurt, but it isn’t the end of the world, and lying for my sake will only alienate you from me, even in my defense.
I love my new friends that I have made through her. I love them dearly, and I am very glad that they love me back. Grateful, even. I’m grateful to her for having introduced me. And I’m even grateful to her for all the great times we had in our relationship. Our primary disconnect, on examining our relationship, is that I see the happy, loving times, and she sees the heartache. So be it, we’re two different people and we approach reality in different ways. Neither are untrue, they both existed.
I don’t hide. I don’t use closets to put my secrets in, I believe they’re harmful and leave places for people to manipulate you. That said, I do believe in tact, which is why I didn’t lay it out, as such, previously. However, she felt it was necessary. So. Here is my part. Story time is over. There should be no room for rumor or innuendo.
Now, the shit that has been flung has made me feel unclean, so I’m going to go wash my hands of this. If you want to converse, you know how to IM or email me. Let’s not be tactless and make it a community discussion.