From a philosophical conversation regarding attraction:
Okay, I had this big long whine about how I weep for our social culture because one can’t tell someone that they’re totally adorable without them wondering whether you’re going to imply too much from any future friendly physical affection… until I realized that this mostly doesn’t apply amongst the people I really dig. And it doesn’t apply when people say the same to me.
So really, I’m just lamenting that there’s a person or three that I’m afraid might take it the wrong way if I were to say, “you make me go eeeee-yow! *asplode!*” Really, what an annoying hassle: I’m just being silly about it. How post-modern is it to make a big deal out of something not being a big deal? *rolls eyes* I guess I’ll just keep it to myself.
*chuckles in amusement at self* … like it even matters!
Alas, I cut after cutting the original, so it’s gone from buffer. Frankly, it was pretty bleh. It was related to this IM:
I would like it if I could just say to someone, “hey, I think you’re a total babe” (or whatever) “. If you’re interested, I’d like to go out some time. If not, don’t even worry about it, just take it as the compliment it is intended to be.” …and have that be true. I just don’t even take that step, because most people can’t separate. Not with me specifically, but in general. “if I hug him like I used to, will he make the wrong assumption?” Blech! I don’t want to take the risk of marring my generally very physically affectionate friendships.
…. but that’s pretty unclear, and is besides the point – I’m not whining about asking someoen out, I’m whining about telling someone they’re totally attractive to me, and them assuming I’m asking them out.
I’m not whining about asking someoen out, I’m whining about telling someone they’re totally attractive to me, and them assuming I’m asking them out.
there’s really no way to say “hi, i’m not asking you out, and i don’t want *anything* from you, but man oh man you make me tingle!” and not have it be anything but awkward and potentially embarassing, as well as possibly altering the course of a friendship. of course, i’m the queen of awkward and probably have said such things in the past and probably will continue to do so.
*grins* That’s pretty much exactly it.
There are people in which this actually is okay and turns out just fine… but usually those aren’t the people with whom I’m self-conscious about it.
PS I can’t believe I said “besides the point”. *rolls eyes*
This is another example of the backwards social code that prevents us from always being honest with ourselves or others. Is it so wrong to tell a friend that a skirt she’s wearing makes her legs look hot or another friend that he has the nicest arms you’ve ever seen? You could always lead with, “Not that I want to sleep with you or anything, but…”
Maybe that’s not very subtle. Maybe I’m just babbling and delerious from fever. Either way – what bliss!
Indeed. I’m fairly lucky in that respect, I think – I’ve shared a number of good compliments like that. It really depends on the girl, though.
What’s really funny is that it is far (socially) easier for me to compliment a guy, because we can turn it into something amusing – IE, presuming we’re straight, we’re obviously not interested in each other, and so it’s alright.
I think the cool thing about being known as a pretty honest person is that I can follow up a compliment with “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it.” … and that’s true, too.
And on a completely different note, I always found it incredibly frustrating when my significant other would discount the compliments I gave her once we were serious, and take seriously the compliments of strangers. Perhaps next time I’m in that situation I should break up with a girl just so she’ll take my compliments seriously again ;)
Hahaha, that’s very reasonable.
Preach, sister! This is so true on so very many levels of society. Not just in how compliments are taken. I find myself checking everything I say to a lot of people because I’m affraid of how it’ll be taken, interpretted and reciprocated. I suppose it’s a little different in the gay world, because if a guy does tell another that he’s attracted to him, in gay speak…that means “Let’s get it on”. It’s unfortunate, I know. There are lots of people, men and women I find extremely attractive. Even if they don’t “do it for me”, I find physical beauty in virtually everyone I meet. I’m a very huggy person with people I like (on all scales). Sometimes though, if I find someone especially attractive, I get awkward around them and sometimes even standoffish. I’m a little silly that way. :P
To me, I don’t mind hugging anyone. I’ve even smooched a guy or two, but I really cared about them or did it for the funny.
I’m not one to expect more from a simple passing of a compliment, but then, I’ve been told I can be a bit dense sometimes. *shrug*
I thought wookies were supposed to be dense. Love in the time of “aingaaaaah” indeed.
Yeah, well, you know, what are ya gonna……Hey!!
I thought that title was fricking Hy-Larious! :D
*laughs* Hugs and kisses are actually a lot easier, I find, than compliments to people of the opposite gender. *shrugs*
As most of my friends can attest to, I don’t have any trouble at all in hugging or kissing guys. Right, skippy? *grin*
I’ve had dates like that.
*thoughtful* Seriously? Totally seriously?
I would love a world where guys would just say that.
I mean, that would be so much pressure off. Because then, they would be like, ‘Wren, I really think you’re hot, but I don’t want to date you.’ That way, I would one, know that I’m hot, and two, could feel some relief that weird Unresolved Sexual Tension was not going to end up with me fumbling around, trying to figure out if they liked me or the top I’m wearing is just cute, y’know?
Plus, then you could divide from the guys who did want to date you and do your flirting accordingly.
*SCOTTHUG*
*grins* Awww, you’re a total cutie.
But, in theory, what fun is it to -only- flirt with people that you know are interested in you? And doesn’t that kind of negate the part of flirting that’s just fun and nothing more?
If I’d done that this weekend, I would’ve sat in the corner. :D
No … you can flirt with your friends. But then it’s less pressure, y’know? You know where you stand.