Brainwaves of Sken

novapsyche asked people to tell her about Life, the Universe, and Everything in her journal. I want to keep my comment, so I’m reproducing it here. I may modify it over time, for accuracy:

(note: This is how I see it. This is what works for me, and what seems right for me. I make no judgments on whether it’s right for you – everything is relative, and I really do believe that. I was asked my thoughts, and I’m providing them, and reposting them because they’re valuable to me, and they just might be valuable to someone else. Or provoke discussion, which I’d love. Onward!)

In my journal, when I have one comment to a particular entry, it says:

Forty two comments ->|<- Hand me the raprod, Plate Captain

(hehe)

My thoughts on L,U, and E are:

If I’m not lying on the freeway with a broken leg, crawling to safety with oncoming traffic … it’s not worth stressing over. In other words, if getting upset won’t help the situation – don’t.

The easiest way to keep your skeletons from coming out of your closet is not to have any. Open those doors and air out those dark hallways, and you’ll find that none of them have any power over you.

Also, those who embellish the truth when it is unimportant will use the same skill to cover their asses.

Trust. Just do it, and if someone proves themselves unworthy of it, simply do not trust them in that respect. Rely on your logic when your heart is wounded, and lean on others when you need to heal. The more you look around you to see those successful examples of trust, the easier it will be to see the advantages to giving out that trust again to someone new.

Whenever you care about someone more than they care about you, you are setting yourself (and them) up for potential manipulation. Don’t be afraid of the possibility, but do be cognizant of those who do not respect your right to make your own decisions, and instead try to push you into thinking the way they want you to.

Also, never take one person’s flaw and apply it to a whole group of people. I am not my father, nor am I your ex-boyfriend, nor am I the enbodiment of young white professional males everywhere. In fact, I specifically often fall far outside the bell curve in one direction or another – why should I assume any other individual doesn’t, as well? This is one we all have to work at, all the time – no person can help but make thse comparisons; that means we have to examine ourselves and know when our feelings are at odds with reason.

Gender is one small factor among many. People make more of a big deal about whether you’re male or female than they do about your intelligence or capacity to deal with change, and I find those to be far more important in defining who you are.

My rule of thumb (yes, I know the origination of the phrase, and no, I don’t care – it has a different meaning now) for whether someone is right for my deep friendship or love relationship is this: I must feel like they have my back at all times, especially when they think I will never know. Not that they won’t make decisions that I won’t like, but that they will think of my interests and do right by me. Even if that right thing means walking away from our relationship. It’s a human respect thing, and a general love thing – is it more important that I remain their boyfriend, or that I am treated well no matter what?

Relatedly, sex is only one way to be intimate, and not even the best way. It’s awesome, and worth doing, but it’s just an action, a method. It shouldn’t be treated as a holy or unholy noun, but simply as an action. There are millions of ways to share yourself with someone – don’t be afraid to find another method if sex doesn’t fit.

Speaking of which, it is perfectly normal (and a joyful thing) to love someone you aren’t dating. Also, it is natural to be enamored with someone and not date/have sex with them. Crushes are joyful, and those who don’t understand how to separate those feelings from the need to date will have poor friendships and a dating life full of jealousy.

We live in a time where rationalism is decried and manipulation is king. True skepticism is abandoned in favor of stubborn insistence, and until people understand and reject this, publicly, in the face of those who use manipulation as if it were fact, “things” will not get “better”.

People will, consciously or subconsciously, continue stepping forward into your personal space (however you want to define it) until you put your hand up and say “no”. Even the kindest person will become controlling when their partner passively accepts even the most over-reaching edict – often they will even see it as their burden, and presume they are the one being trod upon. The same goes for society and our relationship with our leaders.

Being forthright, loyal, and interested in the general good are traits of people who are the best at being greedy. What we term selfish and greedy acts are those committed by people who are incapable of taking the long view. They’re unable to reject immediate satisfaction in the face of a clear future advantage. Being classically self-absorbed is an incredibly unsuccessful way of really getting ahead in life.

There is no such thing as true, absolute altruism – we derive personal pleasure and satisfaction out of helping others, and think better of ourselves for it, and that is a tangible benefit that should be embraced, not make us embarrassed.

A rational outlook says that if you believe that every human being deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and the right to make their own decisions, you are also speaking about yourself. You are human. Start treating yourself the way you treat others.

~ by Skennedy on April 27, 2006.

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Tags: discussion/rant, lj quote favs, priority, step it up, writing