A matter of life and death

This is what I want from you:

I want you to relax and enjoy the moment.

Any moment. Every moment, to the best you can.

I’m not saying there aren’t things to worry about – I’m saying you are doing your body and mind a disservice by not finding some way to appreciate as much as you can about each moment that you are alive. These are not disposable moments that exist only to lead you to the next – these are days of intense human experience, these are days of hard lessons, and these are days of beauty amidst tragedy.

It sounds ridiculous every time it’s said until the day it clicks, and you marvel at the connections you have with others (however tenuous), at the things you are able to do (however ordinary), at the natural world (however constrained), and at the world as it has come to be (however dark).

I became a different person, the day I was able to see the pain and anguish of a shitty day, of a seriously heartbreaking situation, of failure, and consciously seek out the joy. No coverups, no pollyanna, no tricks.

Considering the person I was, I feel confident in saying this is a matter of life and death.

If you could do one thing for me, for yourself, and for everyone in your life, please (pretty, pretty please) do this:

There will be a moment today in which you will be stressed – a conversation, a situation, a worry about your future. Stop, and without pretending the situation doesn’t exist, choose to experience joy, right now.

At that moment, you are choosing to be alive. You are choosing to care about yourself. That is what I want from you.

EDIT: 5 things that will make you happier

~ by Skennedy on February 23, 2010.

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14 Responses to “A matter of life and death”

  1. Thank you for this. I’ve actually been trying to learn part of this lesson recently; meditation helps with clearing my thoughts and focussing on the present moment, but I hadn’t extended that to trying to see the joyful aspect of every moment.. I will try that too. I’m hoping this kind of thing will come with practice – I find that it’s getting much easier to do when I focus on it, i.e. when I specifically set aside time to do guided meditations or some other type of relaxation, but it’s still hard to do it when I’m in the midst of something stressful.. normally early in the morning, worrying about not being able to get to sleep, that’s the worst time for me. It’s harder then to be conscious enough of my thoughts and break the cycle.

    Anyway, enough rambling from me :)

    sequoya said this on February 23, 2010 at 3:54 pm

    • It is totally easier with habituation :) I’ve been practicing this for about 13 years, and I still remember that moment more clearly than my first kiss.

      I was in the middle of a pointless argument with a girlfriend, and I clearly intended to grump about it for the rest of the day.

      I remember stopping my train of thought and realizing that I had control over what the rest of my day was going to be like – whether I was going to punish myself or let it go and have a good day.

      I visualized just letting all that frustration and anger bleed through the car into the ground … and that willful act of self-control over my emotions changed everything.

      Not that I always have control, heh. I still get pretty petulant about sudden plan changes when no one asks me. :D But I think that I am a joyful person, and a resilient person in the face of stress, and I was not that person before then.

      atdt1991 said this on February 23, 2010 at 4:20 pm

      • I’ve always had the impression that you were a joyful and calm person who lets stress wash over you (not that I’ve met you, but you know, from reading what you write and so on) and I guess I just assumed you were naturally like that; the idea that you once weren’t that type of person gives me a lot of hope that I might be able to become more like that, given practice.

        sequoya said this on February 23, 2010 at 4:53 pm

  2. Thank you for this. This reminds me that I need to get back to making “thankful Thursday” posts to point out things that happened in the last week that I was thankful for, to try to remind myself of the good things.

    aiela said this on February 23, 2010 at 3:59 pm

    • Absolutely. I find that it’s so easy to fall into being snarky or critical just as a matter of course, I need to remind myself that sometimes that is totally unnecessary and even unhealthy (even if it is funny).

      Especially when someone has just offered me something positive and my negative response just isn’t important.

      Reminds me of an old friend who used to respond to the exciting events in other people’s lives by sharing stories about how they did something so much cooler. It may be true, but it’s not a fruitful response.

      Not entirely related to your comment, but it’s where my mind went. ;)

      atdt1991 said this on February 23, 2010 at 4:29 pm

  3. Agreed 100%, but with an addendum for people who have a hard time choosing to be alive (since for some of us that seems to hand us a lot of responsibility for horrible things, either endured or enacted):

    You were put here for a reason, and that reason is simply to BE HERE. Your purpose in life is to exist and to pay attention. Maybe you had no choice in the matter, or maybe part of the experiment required that you didn’t remember you had a choice, but either way, your primary job isn’t to choose, to succeed, to advance or to win: It’s to be here, to have the experiences laid at your feet, to see them clearly and absorb them fully; to Be. Not to be happy, be rich, be whatever — just being; that’s the gig.

    Of course, oddly enough, accepting that, embracing each moment no matter how ordinary or unpleasant, leads to better and faster happiness than reaching any goal. Which, I think, is further proof that this is how the system works: The point is to be who you are, do your best with each challenge, accept and appreciate each moment for what it is, and then, when it’s time (and it will be), let go.

    It’s an art form, no lie. ;)

    Thanks for the post!

    pure_doxyk said this on February 23, 2010 at 4:02 pm

    • At the risk of losing everyone else, heh…

      Thanks for your reply! You bring up a good point – it isn’t about striving to be happy, it is about accepting what is, including the good things, including the good of existing. Not that things must be as they are, but that they are what they are, right now.

      atdt1991 said this on February 23, 2010 at 4:25 pm

  4. This is an exercise I’ve been doing for myself more and more. Thank you for amplifying it, reminding me, sharing, caring, and being you!

    caradina said this on February 23, 2010 at 8:11 pm

  5. ha. that article would be a lot more convincing if it wasn’t covered in ZALES MASSIVE DIAMOND RINGS ads.

    but i do find myself pausing for moments and truly enjoying them. often this is in the car when a favorite song comes on, and it’s sunny out, the roads are clear and i turn up the radio and sing the song :)

    velvettnrbt said this on February 24, 2010 at 2:20 pm

  6. :smooch!!:

    This is a helpful/timely/much-needed reminder, and I thank you for it.

    Also, I get to go pick up my dress from David’s bridal this week, so I’ll have to send you new pics/see where I can get it fitted.

    silver_bits said this on February 25, 2010 at 10:58 am

  7. I keep looking for a chance to take time to enjoy what’s going on. (note how long before I got a chance to reply here)

    Seriously though, good plan.

    rbradakis said this on March 6, 2010 at 12:36 am

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