Brainwaves of Sken

My friends have pretty much heard it all before, but I felt like putting it down somewhere.

• Whether or not you lie to others, “don’t bullshit yourself”.
  What she didn’t say: It’s awfully hard to lie to others when you stop lying to yourself)
  What it means to me: Being honest with yourself about your motivations and your actions goes both ways – no fudging when you’ve f***ed up, and no destroying yourself about screwing up, either.
• Children are worth respecting, and should be talked to as if they have valuable things to say.
  What she didn’t say: Because they do. There is nothing wrong with learning from children.
  My take: having people in my life who would listen and respond to what I had to say made me feel like a human being during a time in my life where I felt less than human.
• What you say doesn’t mean anything compared to what you do.
  What she didn’t say: existentialism 101
  What it means to me: you can dream until the cows come home, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t get off your ass. Put a different way, you can say you’re sorry all day, but if your behavior doesn’t change, it means nothing.
• Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you
  What she didn’t say: It’s damned hard to not do unto others what they’ve already done unto you.
  What it means to me: Being the person you want to be is more important than justice, more important than righteousness, and more important than fairness. Personal integrity, even if no one else sees it.
• Be earnest.
  What she didn’t say: People will think you’re naive or a fool, but you can be open without being gullible – it is up to you (and no one else) to know where to draw the line.
  What it means to me: It’s hard to know who you really are when no one sees it. It’s harder to solve problems when you won’t admit to your own feelings. You will never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.
• Don’t be afraid to be goofy
  What she didn’t say: Some people will make fun of you for it, and others will embrace you.
  My take: Being goofy is fun either way. I do it for me, because it makes me happy, and when other people laugh, so much the better. I actually picked this up from everyone in my family – some of us may be self-conscious when we’re outside the house, but we’re shamelessly silly together.
• Pay attention to every little thing
  What she didn’t say: Paying attention to the animals you hear, the conversations around you, and the words people use requires curiosity about the world.
  My take: Sitting in the treehouse, being quietly mindful of what my eyes and ears pick up, was a good strategy for combating ADD tendencies. It made me a better test taker.
• Be open-minded
  What she DID say: No one has a monopoly on the “truth”.
  What it means to me: Whenever we talked about religion or philosophy, grandma would say, “some people think -this-“. Setting me up to understand that people have different perspectives, and one doesn’t always know (sometimes -can’t- know) what is “right”.
• Play games to get things done
  What she didn’t say: Sometimes playing games is the -only- way to get a difficult thing accomplished.
  My take: I might not play “the floor is lava!” while vacuuming anymore, but being able to remain cheerful under pressure has done me very well, both in the eyes of the people working with me and for my own state of mind. It’s tough, so what?
• When in Rome
  What she didn’t say: Blending in with other people in order to survive is complicated and often difficult. Remembering what is a game in order to cope with people who have authority over you and how you really are is messy.
  What I learned: It is important to flex in order to connect with others, but more important to know yourself. Communicating means knowing your audience and in some ways becoming them, but you have to retain yourself at the same time. Using smaller words because they’re easier to understand? okay. Doing the same thing for fear of people making fun of your vocabulary? Not okay.
• Put effort into it or don’t do it at all
  What she didn’t say: Working hard at something is fun. Challenging yourself is fun. Thinking and learning are fun!
  What I know now: I missed out on a lot by coasting.
• You (really, seriously) don’t need money to have a good time
  What she didn’t say: The more you get used to having money, the more you expect someone else to do the entertaining for you, and the more fun you miss out on in the process.
  What I remember: Picking up crutches at good will and gov’t cheese. Collecting cans for an end-of-summer break at the local waterpark (even though it wasn’t enough, though we were never told that). Our bikes were free and our rafts were patched … and I never, not once, felt like we were doing without. Our game tokens were melted-down crayons in bottlecaps, and every summer was an adventure.
• Take care of your baggage before it piles up, and before you use it against people you love
  What she didn’t say: You have to be honest with yourself about why you do the things you do in order to address the baggage of your personal experiences. You have to admit that you may be damaged in order to later become whole.
  Also: Self-awareness and reflection are vital parts of being human, and absolutely necessary to become a better person.
• Love happens in many ways and with many people, and it isn’t always convenient
  What she didn’t say: Loving other people doesn’t have anything to do with compatibility or reciprocation. It is a feeling that you have for another being.
  What I think: Caring about other people is valuable all by itself. You can love without expectation and still respect yourself and keep free from abusive situations. Cherish the feeling of joy in someone else’s existence – FIGHT HARD to notice the good things in life.
• Improvise. Be creative. Pretend. Ask questions like, “What if?”. Be skeptical.
  What she didn’t say: Don’t be afraid of wild, stupid ideas – amongst the nonsense, you will find the questions and answers no one has found before.

  Shortly after christmas, we’re heading to Philadelphia, and I’ll get a few short days with my family, grandma included. I absolutely can not wait.

  PS What important things have you learned from others? Tell me in the comments!

  ~ by Skennedy on December 16, 2010.

  Posted in Uncategorized