I assume you’re making a distinction between “romantic love for a person” and “being in love with a person.” Because I have had both, but I answered according to IN love, not just romantic love.
Fwiw, my love-types are friendly-love (or platonic), family love, romantic love, and IN love.
Okay, that’s a distinction I have not heard. I generally start with love and then have sorta “love modules” I add on as befits – I don’t use the phrase “in love” about my own feelings, for instance, but I will describe an equivalent.
Please feel free to explain the difference to me between those two things. I was talking about people who have told you they are in love with you, and I wasn’t making a distinction necessarily between those who say it but have no plans and those who want to spend the rest of their life with you.
Huh. I’ve actually never had someone tell me they were in-love with me who wasn’t very serious about the relationship (by which I mean, planning on staying with me as long as possible). I’ve been at the “I love you!” level with preeetty much everyone I can remember dating… I like being able to say that, and I’ve never dated anyone who had issues with saying “I love you”, though Ari only liked to say it if he truly felt like saying it at that moment – he wouldn’t just say it in response to my saying it, and vice versa (which I actually preferred, as a general rule, but most people don’t like doing things that way).
But the thing is, I love most of my friends, some of them even in a romantic way (see the Lady rikki), and I’m happy to tell them that and say it to them and if it freaks them out, then we probably shouldn’t be friends. I like being able to tell people I love them. Usually the amount/way in which I love them in clear from context, or clear from conversations we’ve had on the topic.
I’ve dated people whom I didn’t say that I loved them very often, but I still loved them and they still knew it.
Ari telling me that he was in-love with me was a HUGE deal. He made it clear he had something important to tell me in person, and talked about the ideal place/way in which to tell me, and after he told me, he explained why it meant so much to him personally.
I don’t think Andy and I have talked about it that much but honestly, it was there from the beginning so we never really had a need to talk about it. Ari & I struggled through our relationship; Andy and I haven’t at all.
Hmm. I would say that love in the sense of affection, trust, etc is reasonably common for me, and that I may or may not be physically attracted to those people as well. I’m often flirtatious, and I have no trouble saying “I love you” to my friends and close intimates.
I don’t consider these kinds of affections important for this survey, mostly because they’re generally problem free, and I honestly can’t think of a friend I’ve said “I love you!” to who hasn’t felt and expressed the same about me, or vice versa.
On the other hand, there are times and people where this statement isn’t just “you’re awesome and I’m glad you’re in my life!” (like you, mink!) but more along the lines of “I want a Significant Relationship with you” or, if you’d rather, “I want to be your Primary (or secondary or whatever)”. Depends on the way you work, really, but that’s what I’m referring to here, I think.
Hmmm, so complicated.
I often start off keeping the words for moments of true feeling, and usually get to the point of saying it every day for my significant other. I still mean it, so it doesn’t bother me so much. While I do in a sense prefer it to be in the moment, I also really enjoy making my partner feel secure (as long as they don’t take my feelings for granted).
I kinda viewed the love thing kinda like a pyramid.
You got room at the very top for the one or so that you’re totally IN love with.. the one(s) that your world totally revolves around.. then lesser degrees of love (family, friends, whatever) as you travel down. Not much room at the very top, but more as it heads towards the ground (or neutral feeling toward whoever)
Also, something I read and sorta agree with, since I’m babbling:
Hate is just as healthy and worthwhile as love if you vent correctly.
That whole “Love everything, including thine enemies” think is a ridiculous idea. If you concentrate your love on things that really matter to you, it has so much more value. If you dispense it to anyone its a wast.
The same goes for hate. –Marylin Mason ’96
Hmm, I don’t know whether I agree or not. I think my conception of love doesn’t really fit into that idea, even if how I deal with it and how you deal with it are exactly the same.
I start with the idea that love, by itself, means that I feel joy or pleasure in someone else’s existence in the world. From there you have trust, lust, familial affection, reliance, and many other feelings that can be totally part of that.
I guess there was some point where I said “what the hell IS love anyway? It doesn’t MEAN anything!” and so I resolved to try to figure out what it means on a case by case basis. It sounds a lot more cold-hearted than it is to me – “swoony wowsers” is a valid addition. :D
I disagree. Hate is a very self-destructive emotion. In all the circumstances I can think of where hate might remotely be useful, anger seems far, far more useful. But I do agree that we must give vent to our emotions from time to time, no matter what they are.
I think was agreeing to the idea that you can hate, or love.. but to make it more meaningful, do it in moderation. Or something like that. That was my take on it.
i love a lot of people, but i’ve only been in love once and it probably won’t happen again. to me, being in love is the epitome of infatuation. i choose to not fall in love.
I assume you’re making a distinction between “romantic love for a person” and “being in love with a person.” Because I have had both, but I answered according to IN love, not just romantic love.
Fwiw, my love-types are friendly-love (or platonic), family love, romantic love, and IN love.
Okay, that’s a distinction I have not heard. I generally start with love and then have sorta “love modules” I add on as befits – I don’t use the phrase “in love” about my own feelings, for instance, but I will describe an equivalent.
Please feel free to explain the difference to me between those two things. I was talking about people who have told you they are in love with you, and I wasn’t making a distinction necessarily between those who say it but have no plans and those who want to spend the rest of their life with you.
Huh. I’ve actually never had someone tell me they were in-love with me who wasn’t very serious about the relationship (by which I mean, planning on staying with me as long as possible). I’ve been at the “I love you!” level with preeetty much everyone I can remember dating… I like being able to say that, and I’ve never dated anyone who had issues with saying “I love you”, though Ari only liked to say it if he truly felt like saying it at that moment – he wouldn’t just say it in response to my saying it, and vice versa (which I actually preferred, as a general rule, but most people don’t like doing things that way).
But the thing is, I love most of my friends, some of them even in a romantic way (see the Lady rikki), and I’m happy to tell them that and say it to them and if it freaks them out, then we probably shouldn’t be friends. I like being able to tell people I love them. Usually the amount/way in which I love them in clear from context, or clear from conversations we’ve had on the topic.
I’ve dated people whom I didn’t say that I loved them very often, but I still loved them and they still knew it.
Ari telling me that he was in-love with me was a HUGE deal. He made it clear he had something important to tell me in person, and talked about the ideal place/way in which to tell me, and after he told me, he explained why it meant so much to him personally.
I don’t think Andy and I have talked about it that much but honestly, it was there from the beginning so we never really had a need to talk about it. Ari & I struggled through our relationship; Andy and I haven’t at all.
Hmm. I would say that love in the sense of affection, trust, etc is reasonably common for me, and that I may or may not be physically attracted to those people as well. I’m often flirtatious, and I have no trouble saying “I love you” to my friends and close intimates.
I don’t consider these kinds of affections important for this survey, mostly because they’re generally problem free, and I honestly can’t think of a friend I’ve said “I love you!” to who hasn’t felt and expressed the same about me, or vice versa.
On the other hand, there are times and people where this statement isn’t just “you’re awesome and I’m glad you’re in my life!” (like you, mink!) but more along the lines of “I want a Significant Relationship with you” or, if you’d rather, “I want to be your Primary (or secondary or whatever)”. Depends on the way you work, really, but that’s what I’m referring to here, I think.
Hmmm, so complicated.
I often start off keeping the words for moments of true feeling, and usually get to the point of saying it every day for my significant other. I still mean it, so it doesn’t bother me so much. While I do in a sense prefer it to be in the moment, I also really enjoy making my partner feel secure (as long as they don’t take my feelings for granted).
I kinda viewed the love thing kinda like a pyramid.
You got room at the very top for the one or so that you’re totally IN love with.. the one(s) that your world totally revolves around.. then lesser degrees of love (family, friends, whatever) as you travel down. Not much room at the very top, but more as it heads towards the ground (or neutral feeling toward whoever)
Also, something I read and sorta agree with, since I’m babbling:
Hate is just as healthy and worthwhile as love if you vent correctly.
That whole “Love everything, including thine enemies” think is a ridiculous idea. If you concentrate your love on things that really matter to you, it has so much more value. If you dispense it to anyone its a wast.
The same goes for hate. –Marylin Mason ’96
Hmm, I don’t know whether I agree or not. I think my conception of love doesn’t really fit into that idea, even if how I deal with it and how you deal with it are exactly the same.
I start with the idea that love, by itself, means that I feel joy or pleasure in someone else’s existence in the world. From there you have trust, lust, familial affection, reliance, and many other feelings that can be totally part of that.
I guess there was some point where I said “what the hell IS love anyway? It doesn’t MEAN anything!” and so I resolved to try to figure out what it means on a case by case basis. It sounds a lot more cold-hearted than it is to me – “swoony wowsers” is a valid addition. :D
I disagree. Hate is a very self-destructive emotion. In all the circumstances I can think of where hate might remotely be useful, anger seems far, far more useful. But I do agree that we must give vent to our emotions from time to time, no matter what they are.
I think was agreeing to the idea that you can hate, or love.. but to make it more meaningful, do it in moderation. Or something like that. That was my take on it.
i love a lot of people, but i’ve only been in love once and it probably won’t happen again. to me, being in love is the epitome of infatuation. i choose to not fall in love.
there’s my $.02
Pancakes r in UR poll eatin ur r3su1t5.
Clearly they are edging forward. Then again -I- haven’t voted yet, so I could bring the waffle in to tie!