Brainwaves of Sken

“[With certain social games] it’s about the game exploiting your friends list that you already made, so it’s not really about meeting people. And it’s not really about doing things with them because you’re never playing at the same time. It’s about using your friends as resources to progress in the game, which is the opposite of actual sociality or friendship. Maybe not exactly, but it’s not the same thing, right? They’re really just called social games because they run on social networks.” – The creator of the game “Braid”

Funny, that’s just what Metroid Prime 3 had – you could exploit your friends to get more tokens to buy elements in the game (music, sketches, etc), but that’s not interaction.

Same thing goes with Facebook games, for the large part.

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The Fable series is a lot of fun, it’s true. Its multiplayer is a wreck, though. In fact, the multiplayer for every non-FPS game is a wreck.

There are things you could learn from Halo 2 and beyond. I realize that short-form games are very different from epic adventures, but even so, there is no way for people to gather, to talk as a group, to engage in adventures the way you can in FPS games, and I believe this can happen. Perhaps we call that an MMO, you say, and you make a strong argument, but even a regular fantasy game can have better interaction with your friends.

Just don’t give us another Metroid Prime 3: Corruption multiplayer experience. In fact, can we just admit that it wasn’t multiplayer at all?

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It’s safe to say that in Detroit at least, it was just another snowstorm. Not really a big deal, but I was put up in a reasonably nice hotel a few blocks from work anyway… which is good, because people still drove like their ass was on fire, and there were accidents on every freeway.

After an early dinner with Melanie and Alex, I hung out in the hotel room watching the first (modern) episode of Dr Who and the first episode of Farscape. It was strange, apparently I’ve seen that episode of Who, heh, because I always associate him with mannequins.

I found a cool meditation app on my ipod which plays relatively random music for a set period of time, and that was a pretty cool way to get ready for bed in a strange room in the wrong town. I woke up feeling pretty refreshed, all things considered, and made it in to work a bit early.

The idea is to get our early today, but of course “News Happens”, so I’m just going with the flow.

I just finished ready a photo essay of a woman who was photographed for 18 years of her life, from a new mother in san fran to her AIDS-related death in Alaska, and it has me pretty quiet and contemplative. Honestly thinking about the heartbreaking fragility of life is pretty terrifying, overall – it takes a brave person to actually see that and accept it gracefully. Grandma used to say “there but for the grace of God go I”, and while God and I aren’t on speaking terms, I know exactly what she meant.

There is so much to do, live, and be, and so little time. Unless, of course, you’re Aubrey De Gray, who thinks we’ll find the key to immortality in his own lifetime. Me, I’m ready for the singularity – I already self-modify my code!

So yeah, this morning I am dwelling a bit on the sheer randomness of life, and the brutality of the Great Big RNG*. I’d say thus far I’ve come out 90th percentile, or 99th percentile if you count the entire world. I’m choosing this moment to be grateful for all of the short, difficult, creative, joyous lives spent making the world a better one before I came along, and I’m thinking about my duty to the human race as a whole, for making life so very easy for me (on the whole).

It is also my duty to discover joyfulness, to let go of grief and pain, and to otherwise make the most of every moment, not just with what I do but who I am. There’s no time for sulking, you know?

What are you thinking about today, the day of the Great Fauxstorm of 2011?

*Random Number Generator

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The last thing to happen to me on Friday, just before I left work, was that my boss told me that I was approved to sign up for the PostProduction World Conference, held during the immense National Association of Broadcasters con in Vegas. Not only will I be going through intense training from a Saturday to a Wednesday in early April, but I will be doing it somewhere warm!

Even better, they’re shelling out for me to take a certification course in Final Cut Pro (our video editing software of choice at work).

Of course, to really make it work, I’m flying back on a red-eye flight.

Anyway, this is a huge, huge deal for me. I’ve been poking around about this for the past few years, because I went a number of years ago, and it really taught me a lot, but software and hardware have changed so much in that time. There’s an awful lot to stay updated on, honestly.

If anyone out in that area wants to meet up with me in the evening, just let me know!

I left work and met up with Melanie, Lucy and my mom and we had birthday crepes at What Crepe? in Royal Oak – which was delicious but so, so incredibly slow. The atmosphere was pretty cool, though. I’m such a nerd, I was staring at their tiny tiny projector pointed at a screen that was elaborately framed like a painting.

My birthday toy was an ipod touch! It’s pretty sweet, I just discovered a lightmeter app!

If you have one, what’s your favorite apps?

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This is my first year as Mr. Dr. Kennedy, heh, and (for those of you itching to say the words, “So how’s married life?”), it’s been all good thus far.

Christmas holidays went off without a hitch – I think next year we’ll pull the train set (for the tree) out early and have fun adding things to it like roads and little trees. :) We visited family I haven’t seen in a few years (Hi fam!), which was pretty awesome, despite being on the east coast during the first worst snowstorm of the year.

Work has its ups and down, but I’ve challenged myself in new ways and they seem to appreciate when I can bust out a complicated show in record time, so I’ll take that for what it is.

I am lucky enough to have a community of friends that make me want to volunteer, even in years I’ve said I won’t, so I continue to do small things for the local conventions. I got 4 books signed by 4 authors I enjoy, both professionally and personally. I know it shouldn’t matter when it comes to art, but I enjoy my purchases more when I think the person (or company) behind them is likeable.

This year, Carrie and I collab’d on an awesome front cover for This Confusion Is Not Yet Rated (one of the weirdest convention names I have ever heard). In a few months, Mc Frontalot will be in town for Penguicon, and I have a lot of work to do if I want his concert to be successful. Which, well… I asked him to come for Pcon, so it’d be a bit of a waste if I didn’t make it the best it can be, eh?

Visiting the doctor in December left me a little concerned for my lung capacity, so I’ve been steadily working on that with a daily inhaler and a lung exercise device. It’s only after she said I breathe like an 80 year old that I realized that I am short of breath more than I realize. Things are much better now! I’m hoping to get into PT for my wonky back, but it’s really, really hard. One thing I don’t like about the job is that it’s hell to take PTO.

I look as devastatingly handsome as ever. Along with the PTO, I’d like to lose some pounds, because I’m an American citizen, and this is what we do.

In the virtual worlds, my princess of Albion has a fiercely loyal poodle and my goblin Wembley has a pink flamingo and a monkey (Wendell) that flings poo. So at least I have that going for me. Scarvo has taken up a little too much of my time, though – I’m glad I took six months off for the wedding and afterward, but some days he feels like a job without much of a reward. I had way more fun finding my monkey than I did, say, gearing up for raiding. I feel like my guild is breaking up into niches, kinda like my last guild did, and half the reason I play at all is to chat with all the fascinating people. I want to say ENOUGH BITCHING ALREADY, y’know?

That’s largely where I am this year, actually – almost every time I lose patience with someone these days, it’s because I feel like they’ve completely lost sight of the good things about their situation. I’m sure there are plenty of things I could gripe about, but too much complaining just forces your brain to relive things over and over, and who needs that crap? It’s like crafting your own emotional baggage (I’m still in for a good coffeehouse kvetch though, ;) call me).

I’ve had some great ideas for an electronics kit that I haven’t made much headway on so far. I saw something the size of a breadbox that was loosely similar to my idea, but way more complicated than it needs to be. I think I’ll end up having to settle down with and understand Arduino after all, to make this thing happen. I built up a portable electronics toolbox with virtually everything I need – I just have to build my Altoids solder-fan and I’ll be all set!

There are a million different ways my life could have gone astray by this point, and I feel really, really lucky overall. I’m happy, I love coming home to my baby, and there are lots of fun things in store for the next year.

Here’s to another awesome year of the Skenn!

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Gina Trapani, one of the founders of Lifehacker.com, has said

Goals mean you’re trying to be better. Ask anyone if they want to be a better person, and you’ll get “Of course!” as an answer. Ask them what better means and how they’re getting there, and you’ll probably get a pair of blinking eyes in response. Setting a goal is simply articulating an improved state of being, thinking through the steps in between where you are now and where that better place is, and taking them. Setting goals means you’re actively trying to be better. Frankly, it’s a rare occurrence in a world where most people get up, take a shower, pour coffee, and go about their business as usual in exactly the same place they were yesterday.

This isn’t about New Year’s, it is about desiring to be a better person every day.

I intend to take a more active role in my own health. I started in December, with new medication and exercises to improve my breathing.

I intend to take a more active role in my professional development. I may have to personally pay to get the training I want, rather than through my reluctant company, but it’s important to me, and it’s been three years since I’ve had anything but self-directed training. The thing people don’t tell you about self-directed learning is that you don’t know what you don’t know.

I intend to sleep more. Eventually. ’nuff said.

I intend to be read more books – the last six months of 2010 were a great start there.

I intend to follow through on a number of hobbies I have picked up and let slide.

I think that’s enough. They aren’t promises to anyone, they are ways in which I want to be a different person, ways in which I think I will be happier with who I am and what I do with my time.

What are you making time for this year?

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What I need is a meta-program (call it an A.I. if you’d like, though it’s not that complicated) that knows things like, “You always save your green screen After Effects file in a project folder with an extremely predictable name, so I’m just going to provide that for you. And since you’re going to want that again in your editing program, I’ll just automatically import that. Oh, you just made Photoshop files? I’ll insert those too, and those screen caps you just did. Oh, you have a two-column script? Let me go through that and import all of those left side links automagically.

For want of a name, call it Master Control.

It’d have a box where I could put it the names of cars and it’d search official media sites and download photos that’re isometric or running car footage for me, resize them to something reasonable, and import them to today’s project. So I could spend my time actually designing, creating, etc.

Why isn’t the world this awesome yet?

Of course it could be this awesome if a team of programmers got on it, but they are not going to get on it, sadly.

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It’s been a pretty fabulous week, overall, despite the high stress of visiting a mall. The Apple store, which we visited briefly to see a friend, was totally, completely off the wall insane.

I visited the doc today, Lucy’s new doc. She was funny, engaging, cordial, and professional, and three miles from home, so I think I’ll keep her for now.

We did a lung test, and while I might not have tried as hard as I should have the first time, she said I had the lung capacity of an 80-year-old man. Get off my lawn!

We did an albuterol nebulizer (my first), and now it’s the equivalent of a spry 65-year-old, so… progress. All this week I’ll be on steroids, which means watch out, foodstuffs. Fortunately I’ll also be with Lucy all week, so she can say “That’s your fifth coke, maybe you want to cut back?”

I’m not really keen on taking an inhaled steroid (in addition) at night, but my doctor (who has asthma herself) made a big case for it changing her life, so I’ll give it a go.

In other news, everything’s wrapped for tomorrow, and we’re excited as heck to get a move on. I’m going to bed shortly so’s I can be fresh for my 5 AM work call, but there is no way to avoid that I will be pushing it tomorrow.

It was cool having a couple of days off for no reason whatsoever, Melanie and I did errands together today, which was great ’cause I was sleepy and zoned after a blood draw, a pneumonia vaccine, and no food for 14 or 16 hours.

Our first Christmas is pretty fantastic so far. Lucy seems just as fond of me as when we got married, so I guess I’m doing something right.

I have some great creative ideas for the new year, and no time to get to them until then, so while I want next week’s vacation to last, … come on, 2011!

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My friends have pretty much heard it all before, but I felt like putting it down somewhere.

• Whether or not you lie to others, “don’t bullshit yourself”.
  What she didn’t say: It’s awfully hard to lie to others when you stop lying to yourself)
  What it means to me: Being honest with yourself about your motivations and your actions goes both ways – no fudging when you’ve f***ed up, and no destroying yourself about screwing up, either.
• Children are worth respecting, and should be talked to as if they have valuable things to say.
  What she didn’t say: Because they do. There is nothing wrong with learning from children.
  My take: having people in my life who would listen and respond to what I had to say made me feel like a human being during a time in my life where I felt less than human.
• What you say doesn’t mean anything compared to what you do.
  What she didn’t say: existentialism 101
  What it means to me: you can dream until the cows come home, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t get off your ass. Put a different way, you can say you’re sorry all day, but if your behavior doesn’t change, it means nothing.
• Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you
  What she didn’t say: It’s damned hard to not do unto others what they’ve already done unto you.
  What it means to me: Being the person you want to be is more important than justice, more important than righteousness, and more important than fairness. Personal integrity, even if no one else sees it.
• Be earnest.
  What she didn’t say: People will think you’re naive or a fool, but you can be open without being gullible – it is up to you (and no one else) to know where to draw the line.
  What it means to me: It’s hard to know who you really are when no one sees it. It’s harder to solve problems when you won’t admit to your own feelings. You will never get what you want if you don’t ask for it.
• Don’t be afraid to be goofy
  What she didn’t say: Some people will make fun of you for it, and others will embrace you.
  My take: Being goofy is fun either way. I do it for me, because it makes me happy, and when other people laugh, so much the better. I actually picked this up from everyone in my family – some of us may be self-conscious when we’re outside the house, but we’re shamelessly silly together.
• Pay attention to every little thing
  What she didn’t say: Paying attention to the animals you hear, the conversations around you, and the words people use requires curiosity about the world.
  My take: Sitting in the treehouse, being quietly mindful of what my eyes and ears pick up, was a good strategy for combating ADD tendencies. It made me a better test taker.
• Be open-minded
  What she DID say: No one has a monopoly on the “truth”.
  What it means to me: Whenever we talked about religion or philosophy, grandma would say, “some people think -this-“. Setting me up to understand that people have different perspectives, and one doesn’t always know (sometimes -can’t- know) what is “right”.
• Play games to get things done
  What she didn’t say: Sometimes playing games is the -only- way to get a difficult thing accomplished.
  My take: I might not play “the floor is lava!” while vacuuming anymore, but being able to remain cheerful under pressure has done me very well, both in the eyes of the people working with me and for my own state of mind. It’s tough, so what?
• When in Rome
  What she didn’t say: Blending in with other people in order to survive is complicated and often difficult. Remembering what is a game in order to cope with people who have authority over you and how you really are is messy.
  What I learned: It is important to flex in order to connect with others, but more important to know yourself. Communicating means knowing your audience and in some ways becoming them, but you have to retain yourself at the same time. Using smaller words because they’re easier to understand? okay. Doing the same thing for fear of people making fun of your vocabulary? Not okay.
• Put effort into it or don’t do it at all
  What she didn’t say: Working hard at something is fun. Challenging yourself is fun. Thinking and learning are fun!
  What I know now: I missed out on a lot by coasting.
• You (really, seriously) don’t need money to have a good time
  What she didn’t say: The more you get used to having money, the more you expect someone else to do the entertaining for you, and the more fun you miss out on in the process.
  What I remember: Picking up crutches at good will and gov’t cheese. Collecting cans for an end-of-summer break at the local waterpark (even though it wasn’t enough, though we were never told that). Our bikes were free and our rafts were patched … and I never, not once, felt like we were doing without. Our game tokens were melted-down crayons in bottlecaps, and every summer was an adventure.
• Take care of your baggage before it piles up, and before you use it against people you love
  What she didn’t say: You have to be honest with yourself about why you do the things you do in order to address the baggage of your personal experiences. You have to admit that you may be damaged in order to later become whole.
  Also: Self-awareness and reflection are vital parts of being human, and absolutely necessary to become a better person.
• Love happens in many ways and with many people, and it isn’t always convenient
  What she didn’t say: Loving other people doesn’t have anything to do with compatibility or reciprocation. It is a feeling that you have for another being.
  What I think: Caring about other people is valuable all by itself. You can love without expectation and still respect yourself and keep free from abusive situations. Cherish the feeling of joy in someone else’s existence – FIGHT HARD to notice the good things in life.
• Improvise. Be creative. Pretend. Ask questions like, “What if?”. Be skeptical.
  What she didn’t say: Don’t be afraid of wild, stupid ideas – amongst the nonsense, you will find the questions and answers no one has found before.

  Shortly after christmas, we’re heading to Philadelphia, and I’ll get a few short days with my family, grandma included. I absolutely can not wait.

  PS What important things have you learned from others? Tell me in the comments!

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… and even some far-future Sci-Fi books is that technology and the culture relating to that technology is moving so fast right now, it is actually outpacing the amount of time it takes to write a freakin’ novel.

By the time they come out, things they thought were prescient by five years have either come to pass or appear to have just been an offshoot to something else. Obviously I’m making a gross generalization here, but I’ll tell you one thing – it’s a fascinating time to be alive.

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